Last Week’s Records:
Nick: 9-5 | Ryan: 11-3 | Keegan: 10-4 | Dominic: 12-2 | Matt: 12-2
Overall Records:
Nick: 19-9 | Ryan: 23-5 | Keegan: 20-8 | Dominic: 21-7 | Matt: 20-8
Carolina @ Pittsburgh
Nick: Steelers
Carolina’s only road win this year came against an Eagles defense that looked like they were uninterested in winning the football game. The Panthers are undoubtedly good, but not win-their-fourth-game-in-a-row-that-also-happens-to-be-away-and-against-Pittsburgh good.
Ryan: Steelers
I like Pittsburgh at home in this matchup. Carolina is undefeated at home, but 1-2 on the road. Steelers have been on a hot streak that I do not think will slow down.
Keegan: Panthers
Week after week, I feel like the Panthers are the most underrated team in the NFL. I have them winning a shootout and keeping pace with the Saints in the NFC South.
Dominic: Panthers
I just really like the Panthers this year. But Big Ben could pull through. Who knows.
Matt: Panthers
Hasn’t been enough talk about how good this team has looked; I think this one will make some waves though.
Detroit @ Chicago
Nick: Bears
Because this game should be obvious to anyone that A.) watches football, and B.) has a beating heart, I’d instead like to spend this time complaining about the Bears’ Twitter hashtag. Who the fuck picked #BearDown? With all the history surround not only this team but the city of Chicago, the best they could come up with is #BearDown? Give me a fucking break.
Ryan: Bears
Chicago has shown flashes of brilliance this year, and I actually think they are pretty good. The Bears are better at home, and Detroit struggles on the road, so I think Trubisky leads Da Bears to victory.
Keegan: Bears
I have said this before and I will say it again – The Chicago Bears are a team you definitely do not want to play down the stretch. Their defense is terrifying and Mitch Trubisky has the biggest dick in the NFL. Bears by a lot.
Dominic: Bears
Tarik Cohen.
Matt: Bears
Just going to keep riding with this team, but also because Detroit stinks and Chicago loves playing at home.
New Orleans @ Cincinnati
Nick: Saints
Michael Thomas called me and said they aren’t losing this week.
Ryan: Saints
The Saints are really good, and Cincinnati is just ok. I don’t think Cincinnati has the roster necessary to slow down Brees, Kamara, Thomas, and Ingram. The Saints beat the Rams, so I don’t think they’ll have a problem with the Bengals.
Keegan: Saints
Somehow, the Saints are only favored by 6 points in this one. If I was a betting man, I would be absolutely unloading my life savings on that line. The Saints are good–like GOOD good–and the Bengals are, well average–like AVERAGE average.
Dominic: Saints
Drew Brees is my dad and he will not let me down.
Matt: Saints
Roll, Saints, roll. Dez Bryant adds really nothing in my mind, but it doesn’t matter. That offense is already so dangerous.
Atlanta @ Cleveland
Nick: Falcons
I was going to make a “Julio finally scoring a touchdown is like Atlanta getting the last Infinity Stone” joke, and then I remembered what their record is. Either way, I’ve been saying for weeks now that the Falcons are the best team in the league despite their record, so now they only need to find the Defensive Secondary Stone.
Ryan: Falcons
Atlanta is much better than their record. Now that Julio Jones caught a touchdown I have no problem picking them against the Browns.
Keegan: Falcons
I am gonna try to convince myself that Baker Mayfield can do enough to beat the Falcons and pull out a win for a slumping Browns squad. Unfortunately, no matter what Baker does, Matt Ryan and his electric offense are going to do more. Start Julio in your fantasy lineups this week because the Falcons are gonna put up points.
Dominic: Browns
I just want Cleveland to win. It always makes me happy.
Matt: Falcons
Coming off their best performance in two years, Julio finally scores, and the only thing that would make this more of a lock would be if Hue Jackson was still in Cleveland.
New England @ Tennessee
Nick: Patriots
I’m picking the Pats, but not as comfortably as most people. I like Mike Vrabel a lot, and I think that he knows that this week is his time to prove his legitimacy. I’m taking the Patriots in a really uncomfortably close one, but still think Vrabel will impress his former coach with his rival playcalling.
Ryan: Patriots
The Patriots are the Patriots and seem to be getting better every week, while the Titans haven’t looked great in a while.
Keegan: Patriots
Although I think Mariota and the Titans will manage to keep this one close, it’s gonna be hard to bet against the Patriots, especially the way they have dominated lately. Here comes another win and another week of Tom Brady GOAT conversations.
Dominic: Patriots
The Empire is too strong.
Matt: Patriots
Really? You want me to say why? You know why. Fuck off.
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
Nick: Colts
The Jaguars’ defense simply can no longer hold this team together. We are less than four weeks removed from the fucking Cowboys beating this team 40-7 and people are already forgetting about it. Andrew Luck is 6-2 against the Jags in his career, and I fully expect him to continue to pick apart their shell of a defense and extend his record.
Ryan: Jaguars
I don’t really understand how Jacksonville was so good last year and so bad this year. This is the pick I have the least confidence in, but I think Jacksonville starts to turn things around a little bit.
Keegan: Jaguars
The Jaguars are too talented of a team to continue to lose week after week. Although their playoff run last year might have been a string of good luck, this team is still good. I expect them to get back on track against a shaky Colts team.
Dominic: Colts
I haven’t watched a single Colts game this year, but Andrew Luck has been doing well in fantasy so I can only imagine that he has what it takes to take down Bortles and this lackluster defense.
Matt: Jaguars
Four loses and a bye have given the Jags plenty to think about, and it isn’t too late to turn it around. Now is their shot.
Arizona @ Kansas City
Nick: Chiefs
Chiefs called…said this ain’t it.
Ryan: Chiefs
It’s the Chiefs vs. the Cardinals–nothing else needs to be said.
Keegan: Chiefs
Thoughts and prayers to Cardinals fans this week.
Dominic: Chiefs
. . .
Matt: Chiefs
They’re actually making the Cardinals go into Kansas City? That’s terrible. Child abuse.
Buffalo @ NYJ
Nick: Jets
Bills fans have legitimately started a GoFundMe asking Nathan Peterman to quit football. Not to get political, but doesn’t Colin Kaepernick just make too much sense for this Buffalo offense…?
Ryan: Jets
This game is gonna be ugly, but with the Jets at home I give them the edge.
Keegan: Jets
Give me anything over Nathan Petederman and the Bills. Ryan Barock’s uncircumcised penis is a better quarterback than Nathan Pererman, and because of that, Jets by a lot.
Dominic: Jets
I don’t care.
Matt: Neither!
I am refusing to pick the Jets/Bills game. I am disgusted. (Editor’s Note: Yeah definitely counting this as a loss for you).
Washington @ Tampa Bay
Nick: Buccaneers
This is the toughest game of the week for me to pick. Going through both teams’ records, neither organization can seem to decide if they want to beat bad teams and lose to good teams. I truly don’t know if either team is good or not. I could get roasted to hell for saying this, but I think Tampa’s receivers are incredibly comparable to those of Atlanta. Washington’s defense chose to shut up instead of show out against the Falcons last week, so I’m taking the Bucs.
Ryan: Redskins
I like Washington’s defense and expect Adrian Peterson to bounce back. I don’t like much of anything about Tampa Bay except for the 50/50 shot Fitzmagic makes an appearance.
Keegan: Buccaneers
The Buccaneers are going to be the Philadelphia Eagles’ best friend this week and absolutely shit on the Redskins. Not only do the Redskins suck, but the Buccaneers are a Super Bowl contender. Best team in the NFL. Fuck what you think. (Editor’s Note: Keegan Strasser is the only man in the United States of America to not be born into Buccaneers fandom and still root for them on his own accord).
Dominic: Buccaneers
The Bucs will cycle through their QBs again, and one of them will perform well.
Matt: Buccaneers
Fitzmagic almost made it happen last week, but I think he was just knocking the rust off. He’ll be back to full speed this week.
LAC @ Oakland
Nick: Chargers
Which is worse: the entire Oakland Raiders organization or how Philip Rivers’ head looks like a penis in a football helmet?
Ryan: Chargers
Oakland is so bad.
Keegan: Chargers
Can’t wait for Phillip Rivers to do marginally above average and for Derek Carr to do slightly below average! I want to be on board with the Chargers being a sleeper team, but I cannot get myself to do it. This week though, Chargers by a lot.
Dominic: Chargers
Melvin Gordon.
Matt: Chargers
The Chargers look good and the Raiders are well so bad that you can buy tickets to this game (in Oakland) for $26.
Miami @ Green Bay
Nick: Packers
This Packers team should be 5-3, as the mental ineptitude of two singular players have held them below .500 so far this season. This team isn’t bad. Mike McCarthy is still definitely getting fired at the end of the season, but this team isn’t bad.
Ryan: Packers
Green Bay is too good to have a losing record and Miami is the worst team I’ve ever seen with a winning record, so I anticipate Miami regressing to the mean this week.
Keegan: Packers
Aaron Rodgers leading a close to .500 Packers team in the beginning of November with playoff chances barely alive is the last quarterback you want to face possibly in league history. This week will be the first win of many in a row for Rodgers and the Packers, so obviously I’m taking the Cheeseheads.
Dominic: Dolphins
I mean…I guess why not?
Matt: Packers
100% would take the Dolphins if Tannehill is healthy. Kid has always been a cold weather QB, but instead they’re all aboard the Brocketship.
Seattle @ LAR
Nick: Rams
It breaks my heart a little to say this, but I think the Rams are about to start losing more and more games. They should have two losses on the season, and still face some tough matchups before the season concludes. I love McVay to death, but this team is teetering against talented offenses. Either way, I’m going with the safe pick and taking them this week regardless. This Seattle team could give them some scares, though.
Ryan: Rams
The Rams will bounce back after a tough loss to the Saints. They are a Top 3 team in the NFL and Seattle isn’t, so I am gonna stick with the Rams.
Keegan: Rams
The Seahawks have been surprisingly competent this year, winning far more games than I expected, and playing in a division against a very good Rams team. Who knows what could happen? I’m taking the Rams this week, but would not be surprised if the Seahawks are able to keep this one close and possibly pull out a win.
Dominic: Rams
This team is Super Bowl bound.
Matt: Rams
Rams at home off their first loss, so they’ll be coming for blood. Also we’ve all seen Seattle’s offensive line, so it should be a long day for Russell.
Dallas @ Philadelphia
Nick: Eagles
I said I wasn’t going to pick the Eagles for the rest of the year for luck purposes (which worked), but I would rather die than pick the Cowboys to win anything. Unless the Cowboys won a surprise drug test for their entire organization. Now that’s a win I could get behind.
Ryan: Eagles
Dak Prescott is bad, the Cowboys didn’t look good coming off of their bye week, and now they face a well-rested Eagles team in Philly that are ready to go. Eagles by a million.
Keegan: Eagles
The Eagles are a very scary team, as they still have not hit their full stride and are only one game back in the NFC East. On the other hand, Jerry Jones is an absolute idiot and the Cowboys are falling apart. Hope Skip Bayless is okay after the Eagles shit-pump the Cowboys this week.
Dominic: Eagles
Dallas sucks. Go Birds.
Matt: Eagles
Eagles at home against the pitiful Cowboys might be lock of the week.
NYG @ San Francisco
Nick: 49ers
Eli Manning is a bag of milk.
Ryan: 49ers
I just flipped a coin for this one. Both of these teams stink. Is Eli Manning even playing anymore? Nick Mullens had a great first start, so I feel fairly confident the 49ers will win this one.
Keegan: Giants
The Monday Night Crew is going to have a hard time finding positives with these teams, and an even harder time finding viewers. Over/Under on the crew talking about Odell being selfish has been set at 5. I am definitely taking the Over. Giants by a little, but really, I do not give a shit.
Dominic: 49ers
Let’s go Mullens.
Matt: 49ers
I love Nick Mullens, and I love watching the entire team and fan base in New York lose all hope of Eli. What could push them over the edge more than this kid?
In The Books 
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